“That’s the thing about depression: A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it’s impossible to ever see the end. The fog is like a cage without a key.” Elizabeth Wurtzel
The fog of grief can be overwhelming and debilitating, leaving the grieving person unable to function properly. Even the most familiar daily tasks become difficult or impossible to complete. When there is a painful shift in your life, nothing makes sense anymore. You can’t return to the familiar because the much of the familiar doesn’t exist anymore. It never will again. You are left feeling consumed by the unknown, in despair, immobile. This can be a consuming fog for a person who has experienced the loss of a family member, a friend, or even a job. We often speak of fog as “lifting” but grief this deep usually doesn’t just go away. Nobody, no matter how much they love you, can take it away. Somehow, you have to find your own way out of the fog and into a new beginning.
For me it was the loss of my wife, Tina, after her battle with cancer that brought the fog. Well, it really began before that. I remember while she was in ICU and I knew she would not come home again, a close friend came by to visit. He said, “Are you okay? You seem to be in a fog.” I wasn’t okay and he could see it. The fog had already drifted in when, after an eight month battle, the doctor told me we weren’t going to win. My mind couldn’t handle it. What will I tell the kids? What will I say to her parents? Should I keep fighting? Am I giving up too easily? How will we live without her? These were just a few of the many layers of fog that began to cloud my mind and there was no good answer for any of them. For the first time of my life I could not say myself, “It will all be okay.” Of course it only got worse a few days later when she truly left us. Grief and depression came to stay after the funeral.
Grief and depression do not have to come together. A person can most certainly have depression which is not brought on by grief. Likewise it is possible to move through the grief process without becoming deeply depressed, but it is not as likely if you try to do it alone. Along with the support of family and friends, sometimes the help of a professional is needed to help find a new and happier life. I help people find their way out of the fog. I started Genesis Grief Care to help people find their own Genesis, their new beginning. I have a variety of options to help. First of all keep reading this blog. I will be updating with new information regularly. If you would like help please contact me at 501-249-9810 or email me at kime.eubanks@gmail.com for help. Let me help you find your new life.
Kime Eubanks, MAMFT 